Friday, 2 March 2012

The boy who did.

The boy who did
by Turts

                For every job there is the right tool and if a job is worth doing, it is worth doing well. If it’s not worth doing, get Lars to do it. “He’ll do”, they always said.

                There were always bigger boys to do all the apprentice jobs around. He was busy at home so he didn’t get out much. Fifteen years old but he was still very much a stranger to the townsfolk. When it came to any minor civic chores that needed doing, he was always the go to guy, but if it wasn’t for the notoriety of his drunken father, nobody would actually know where it was they needed to go to. They were always surprised by how small he looked, having never remembered seeing him before, even though the same person had asked him to dig a drainage ditch beside the road only the week previous. It was a good ditch. It had done the job it was designed to do. But all the townsfolk knew of it was that there was a ditch. They couldn’t think of a time when the ditch hadn’t been there. It certainly never occurred to them that a diminutive teenager had spent the whole of a long summer day digging it, broken two spades in the process and had even carried off all the spoil.

                When a local farmer started losing goats and asked the authorities for assistance, he didn’t get much of a sympathetic hearing. The prosperous people had thought that goat was a little passé these days, what with the advent of pigs, sheep and cows. The pig, sheep and cow farmers weren’t complaining, so why didn’t they just get Lars to look into it? “He’ll do,” they chorused. It took them a little while to recall where they could find him, but eventually one of them went with instructions to give to him.

                It all sounded a bit adventurous to Lars. Not too adventurous. It was not as if he was a coward. He just hadn’t given much thought to venturing to the outlying farms. Most of the traffic was the other way.

                His parents didn’t notice he was gone. Not until the fire went out. There was a bit of a commotion then, but they eventually figured out how to get one going again. Then it was very much business as usual. Until they got hungry that is.

                A big leather coat was missing from by the door and a knife was not in the block where it should have been. In order of likelihood they considered thieves, goblins and Loki. If anyone had told them that their own son had gone out with them they would have thought that you were either an idiot or talking Flemish.

                It was later that evening when Lars arrived at the farmer’s house. That was when the strangeness started. The lady of the house had made him some supper while her husband explained to him exactly what was going on with his goats. This was most unusual. It was the first time that he had felt noticed for a long time. Normally, he’d have just read what was written on the order and made up the practical stuff on his own. This felt like he was cheating. Maybe it was a trap and they were fattening him up, but they didn’t have the look and feel of witches so he put such thoughts to the back of his mind. He listened avidly instead.

                The farmer had lent him a lantern to navigate the fields and nearby wood with. Most of the disappearances had been from the North field, farthest from the house. This was indeed the furthest North that what passed for civilisation in these parts went. Lars hoped that he wasn’t about to fall off the edge of the map. Perhaps that was what the lantern was for, so he could wave it to anyone looking over it for him. Then he thought about who’d come. Not for that, then.

                There were no goats around here now. He could see a lot of rabbits. Really quick rabbits, in his opinion. It gave one the impression that they were rabbits that knew that speed was the key to survival in these parts. An uneasy sense of foreboding began to fester in Lars’ mind. Having never felt the sensation before, he had no idea what it was but he knew he didn’t like it.  

                He soon found some tracks through the trees and, before long, bits of what might have been goat. It had gone very quiet he noticed too, as if everybody and everything else that had a pulse was giving the whole place a wide berth. He noticed that the knife he’d brought was in his hand and that he was gripping it too tightly so his knuckles had gone white. He felt a chill on his face and guessed that all the blood had drained from there as well. The sound of his own footfalls were like a cacophony to him. It occurred to him to take his boots off and carry them but just as he stopped to lean against a handy oak, he noticed a pair of yellow eyes focussing on him. He looked over his shoulder, more in hope than expectation, to see if they were looking at someone else that might have been standing behind him. Sure enough he found that he was very much on his own.

               There was a sinister, drooling sort of growl. He prayed that it was his own stomach. It wasn’t. Then a voice came from the darkness beneath the eyes.

                “I am so hungry,” said the monster, “I don’t know what you’ll taste like, but you’ll do.” 

A few 'six word' tales

                                                            Six word tales
                                                              by Turts

Traps set, they waited. Their mistake.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Falling masonry struck Tom's umbrella, initially.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Looking East they implored: "Please rise."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Their bullets can't reach us he............

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You're safe now, darling", he lied.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Linda was a redhead and bald.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Enough!" They cried. Far too soon.


Who is that girl?

Who is that girl?
by Turts

Tingly Loup is pretty girl. It isn’t a matter for discussion. To her credit, she never thinks about it herself. Some things are fact and there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it.

She will have a very long time to bear this burden. The immortal don’t age as we do. They don’t even age like the mountains age, over millennia. They just persist. Consequently, old Throndar the one-eyed, for example, will just have to put up with her wispy moustache and complete lack of depth perception until the cows come home, and we’re not talking about the cows that are in the fields today, oh no. These are the ones that won’t even be born until the land that is land right now is at the bottom of the sea and the bottom of the sea is raised up to be the land that these particular cows will be ruminating on.

Tingly Loup is a Valkyrie. Being pretty for a Valkyrie is very much de rigueur, but unlike the majority of her ilk, she was not one of those that Woden just made up. Now, there is a god that knew how to turn heads. At one time, he thought about them a lot and vast numbers flew over battlefields to lead valiant warriors to the halls of Valhalla. There are many less of them now. There is much debate these days about whether any of the gods really exist or not and if they do then it can only be reasonable to assume that they don’t carry the same authority as they once did. Certainly, they would need fewer staff. One would probably think less about pretty girls too, but that assessment would be only speculation.

Once upon a time, however, Tingly Loup had been a living, breathing girl who had aspired to grow up to be a woman. She didn’t get the chance, though. She had the misfortune to live in violent times. Her older brothers had looked after her and taught her how to use an axe and a shield but when they had all gone off in the longships, there was only her, her little brother and ‘Vicejaw’ the dog to guard the family farm. When Hell arrived at their village, she was the only one to make it out of the burning house alive. Hearing the drunken voices cheering at the flames, she’d grabbed up the wood axe and swung it at the first head she saw and watched as it bounced into the throng. She hadn’t seen just how big a raiding party had arrived until the cheering stopped and so many faces turned in her direction.

Not that the odds were her primary consideration at that point, but they were so very, very much not in her favour. They had improved ever so slightly in the last few seconds, but not a whole lot. You certainly would not have mortgaged your house on a positive outcome.

Neither, up until that moment, had she known that she had a battle-cry. Her brothers had had them. She’d heard them. In fact they practised them just like they practised the swings and parries they used in mock combat with each other and the log mannequins that they hacked and slashed at. She’d even laughed at the nonsense of it. It’s not as if flames shot out of their mouths, like the dragons up in the mountains. It just told everybody where their enemy was and that he was not a happy bunny. They had tried to tell her that the shouting wasn’t about anyone else, it was about you. They each said that they felt as if they had grown into giants, gained the stamina of wolves and the speed of the birds, that their screams turned them into unstoppable beserkers. It was true that more often than not they had to turn their hand to building new mannequins when they’d calmed down again. Even they didn’t know the proper mechanics of it. They just knew it worked for them. Those Loup boys could really kick some arse!

Then Tingly felt it too. It was a powerful sensation. She suddenly felt sorry for her enemies. She wanted to give them the chance to go home and bring more friends to help them out of the fix they’d got themselves in. She’d picked up the dead raider’s axe and waited to see which of these cowardly, motherless lemmings was the bravest.

Unfortunately, it turned out that they all were. Alas! Even with bits of somebody else’s brain in one’s hair, a young fighter in her pj’s isn’t quite as intimidating as she might have felt. Her arms swung about her like the blades of a maniacal windmill, severing appendages with gay abandon, but eventually it all came to a stop. The broken bits of her that were left and could still be found were thrown into the fjord.

 But they didn’t get her spirit. That had been ‘collected’.

Now it is all that is left of legend of Tingly Loup. It isn’t a lot, in corporeal terms, but it’s plenty to be getting on with. She has a presence, but it is only visible to those that are facing mortal danger. She’ll be floating about nearby if you find yourself being brave. It may be just a silly 'boy' thing, but it makes you want to start doing heroic type stuff in the hope that you might get to meet her.'

Now what could possibly be the harm in that?